Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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