Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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