Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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