i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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