it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
