Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
