Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
