It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
