does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
