well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
