I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
