The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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