i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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