i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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