ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just blew my weed a kiss
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
