Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
