Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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