i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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