Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
