On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
