I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
