; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
