pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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