Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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