You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
