drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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