True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
