I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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