Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
