I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
