ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
