Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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