Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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