Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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