Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
