I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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