The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize