Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
