I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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