I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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