Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
