dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
