Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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