On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
