$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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