did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
