The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
