this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize