who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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