we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
