My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
