If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
