I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
