My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize