I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
false alarm. still invincible.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
