I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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