sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
