i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize