If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just forgot I was standing up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
