why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
