my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
