i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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