can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
