a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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