Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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