are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
