I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need a beard to bite.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
