i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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