We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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