Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
