Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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