My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize