Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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