I smell stomach acid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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