Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
