"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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