You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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