i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
