I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
