bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
