i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
