Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize