She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
