So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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