I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
