Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
