i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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