you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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