so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
