I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
soo... how was my night?
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