I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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