you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
