just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
