Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
