I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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