Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
