I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
