i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize