I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
