Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
