i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
