why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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