Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
