just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
