i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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