I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
