We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
