i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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