okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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