I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
