I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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