Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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