but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
