oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
