I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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