This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize