she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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