no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
