Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize