just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize