How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
